There is a strange construct within the adoption world that gives the impression that as an adult, you somehow "take in" these children without so much as a thought given to the wants of the child. This construct is highly incorrect and completely false. Sure, you're the parent, the guardian and the responsible party but none of that matters beyond the legal system and DHS documentation.
The actual "adoption" portion that takes place happens only when the adopted child(eren) begin to trust you on their terms. Theres no tricks, no gimmicks, no coercion, just plain and simple acceptance or not acceptance on their part and my kids are no different.
This thought came to my mind recently while attending a school parent/teacher conference. As we were waiting for our turn to meet with my sons teacher my son came to me and asked if we could have "guy talk". My son especially enjoys these "guy talks" as its just totally free form man to man conversation. The only rule is that we have to use plain language that cannot be judged by the other person. We are men and men speak freely with one another.
During this particular segment of "guy talk" my son let me know that he had been having problems with another student. After listening in great detail I asked why he hadn't come to either his mom or I beforehand? His answer was simple: I take care of my own problems dad. ...and he was right. he always had.
Since the age of Two my son has been taking care of his own problems. In the horrible environment in which he and his sister were born into, my son always took the needed measures to secure security and sanity that he and his sister required. It was after all, my son that at the age of Two, walked out of the shitty apartment complex his drug abusing "Bio-mom" and drunk "Bio-grandmother" left them in and walked to get help so that his sister (a newborn) would stop crying. He set in motion the series of events that brought them to the security they now enjoy in our house, not me, not DHS and not the courts. He didn't take care of this problem himself even though he knows that he easily could have, he came to me.....he came to DAD.
As any good father I took special care of the issue with a very satisfactory end for him. Since that moment though, more and more my son relinquished his protective stance and began to trust me with certain aspects of his and his sisters care and his mother with other aspects of his and his sisters care. Soon we noticed that his sister too began to come to us with situation that previously they only wanted to do themselves...they accepted us,....they adopted us.
It is very easy for disgruntled "bio-moms" and sullen hearted adoptees to bemoan the adoption platform and services we have currently within this country. Adoption services and DHS/CPS are not perfect entities and not every case can end with everyone happy about everything. The one thing no anti-adoption "protest d-bag can argue though is when the child fully adopts the parents and their family. When the child adopts the parent, the schematic of the situation ceases to be that of the adoption process but that of a family bond even stronger than a natural blood bond. In this new schematic, both parties openly accept all the others flaws and history, you're not just a "family" you become a tribe.
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